a longing for home.

often times before coming to Paris i would daydream about it. i would wonder what life here would look like, what would my apartment look like, what market would i shop at? who would be our neighbors? so many thoughts about who, what, when, where and how would constantly flood my mind. now that i’m here i am wondering about home. what is my family doing? is starting to feel like fall there? what would i be doing right now if i were in jacksonville or tallahassee?

the thing is, i’m (we) are always longing for something. obviously if you are a believer, that longing leads to heaven. but i feel like that’s the cliche answer. i think it’s more present, more here and now and i want to really put my finger on it. i long for what makes me comfortable and makes me most feel at home. sure, i like to travel and see and do, but ultimately i think i enjoy being in my home. i have always wrestled with saying i was a homebody because so many people on staff love adventure and thrive on the nomadic lifestyle that staff life can tend to be. sure, i like to go, but even more i like knowing what i have at home waiting for me.

ultimately, being in paris has exposed a lot of my desire to be comfortable. to know what lies ahead and be able to predict life at some level. here, you can’t always predict the day. i think when our stint year is over, i’m going to have this little tool belt of skills stacked up that will help me in the years to come. i’ll be able to handle life and surprises with more ease. ( i hope) at the end of the day, i want more of jesus and less of me. i want him to be my safe hiding place. i want him to be my dwelling place, my home. no 4 walls and a roof can ever offer me the security that he can and i need to remind myself of that when i do feel lonely and homesick.

** we have been having a ton of fun with our team and have loved feel loved and pursued by them. we have deep, intentional conversation with each other. we pray for each other. i feel like we’ve eaten a feast when we leave them because of how full of life and gratitude i am for them. to be cared for in deep ways by friends is such a gift. true community is this right here below. doing life with them, sharing in good and bad, laughing, crying even. sometimes i really struggle with why friends in my life have come and gone, and it effects how i see myself, how much value i place on the relationship and i can doubt what was really there. but friendship has to be nurtured. questions have to be asked. effort must be made. sure, it’s hard and it’s time consuming and it’s not easy. but it’s worth the time and effort. thankful for these friends who are doing this day in and day out.

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my sweet scott was brave enough to let me cut his hair twice so far! the second time i got my mom on facetime to do it with me step by step 😉 i think i did pretty well considering! i do come from a family of a barbers 🙂

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the leaves are turning yellows and orange and falling! it’s so beautiful!

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i have a little bucket list for paris and this was on it. merci-merci is this really fun store/cafe. think anthropologie meets the most hipster cafe ever. i had a cafe creme and then explored the retail side of it. such great design and all so pleasing to the eye!

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man, this little 19 month old boy has me wrapped around his finger. i love him so much and find myself more dependent on the Lord for his heart. he is tender, wild, and so fun to be with. even though i’m mentally exhausted by the end of the day, he is such a gift and i will tell him that always. scott and i pray over him every night that he would know the love of God tangibly, that he would come to salvation at an early age and walk in his laws.

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taking full advantage of those park days and loving walking in all these leaves. of course they made fun crunchy sounds so he kept doing it over and over like any other toddler would!

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i hope you’re having a wonderful week. that wherever you are, you’re experiencing God’s grace and goodness in your life, even if you are having a tough day or week. hopefully the newness of seasons will bring refreshment and rest to you!

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